Advice | Miss Manners: I keep stumbling into proposals

As this happenstance teeters dangerously on the edge of becoming a pattern, though, I thought it prudent to request a professional opinion: When such an intimate moment is made a public spectacle, what is the mannerly course of action for passersby? Was I correct in my choice to look away and swiftly move on? Should I instead stop and wait for them to finish before proceeding, or return in the direction from which I came?

Or, God forbid, am I obligated to offer my congratulations (or, I suppose, condolences, as the case may be) to these total strangers? Any thoughts are appreciated.

Some thoughts might be: Why are they making a public spectacle of themselves? Wouldn’t such an important intimate moment be best savored in private between the two of them? Doesn’t photographing the moment inspire them to perform roles instead of reacting naturally? Do they believe that video will not provoke ridicule in any future children they might have?

Oh, well. Miss Manners realizes how difficult it would be nowadays to convince people that real life is more rewarding than a dramatized version.

So, yes — as much as you can, keep out of the way and out of photo range. And while a cheery “Congratulations!” would be fine if you feel so inclined, it is not obligatory. You have not been hired as an extra in these public dramas.

Dear Miss Manners: My husband is an excellent cook and usually prepares and serves most, or all, of the meal when we invite people over for dinner. I participate in a variety of ways, including finding recipes, making suggestions about the menu, and doing some chopping or stirring, depending on what we are making. I also tidy up the house beforehand and set the table.

Surprisingly (to me), when guests leave, they often thank my husband for the dinner but not me, as though I am not one of the hosts. I think that it would be more appropriate for guests to thank both of us. Also, I wonder if it would make a difference if the genders were reversed.

While you presumably do not want to hear your guests saying, “Thank you so much for tidying up,” Miss Manners agrees that they are remiss. Whatever you do or do not do, you are the hostess. But while there may be a gender factor here, there is also, nowadays, an unfortunate preoccupation with food as the most important element of a social event. So your guests may be thinking of this as a meal out, rather than a convivial evening.

New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.