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If I didn’t know that biology was not on my side, I would just carry on with my life the way that it is, because I absolutely love what I have. But I also want to be a mother. Last year, I was in a relationship, and I needed to have a plan B because I wasn’t looking to turn it into anything serious. So that’s when I thought, OK, let me do it.

COVID made me hyperfocused on life — the whole process of life and death. During that time, processing what was going on around me, I was just thinking, Well, what legacy do I want to leave behind? What do I want to achieve with my life, but also in the future? And I realized that I do wanna be a mother and that I wanted to be more serious and committed to that path.

But do I honestly, really, truthfully deep in my heart want to make an active choice to be a single parent? Because I’ve seen it and it is hard, and I do not want to step into something with a rose-colored, rose-tinted filter. You need community. You need a network around you. I certainly do have that, but there was a tweet that really made me laugh out loud, which was, “Everybody wants a baby until you are holding that baby at 3 a.m. and both of you are staring at each other crying.” There’s a reality check of what it takes. And it’s not about strength. It’s about that robust community that you have around. I want a partner in that. I want someone who is equally invested in having a family but also someone who is committed to me as to our child.

[When I decided to go through with the process], I spoke to a couple of friends who were going through IVF or freezing their eggs. I wanted to hear it from people who were doing it in real time. I didn’t defer to the internet because there can be an emotional detachment when you are reading information, especially when it pertains to this type of subject matter. I wanted to hear the theory about it, but I also wanted to hear [about] the emotional toll that it would take. Then I started looking around at different fertility clinics and then came the big ball buster: finding a clinic that accepted insurance. Then realizing, Oh, my health benefit doesn’t do shit.

[It] is so important that the clinic is as equally invested in your success as you are. The first clinic I went to, I never went back, because I felt like I was on a conveyor belt. I remember the doctor saying, “All right, we’re gonna retrieve.” There were three eggs. And I said, “Well, shouldn’t we wait? That seems like such a low number.” No, we are gonna do it. So he did the retrieval and he got one [viable] egg. And I thought, I’ve just spent $14,000 on one egg. This one egg is my only chance to become a mother. The second clinic I went to? Phenomenal. I got eight eggs in two cycles.

I built it up in my head to be so much more than it turned out to be. I thought it would be this very long process of being at home and these needles and different things, but it’s six minutes of injections. That feels like a very short period of time for how much I paid. The way I look at it, though, is that the things that I am leaving behind or have left my life — in this case, the money — [are] making room for the abundance that’s to come.

#Egg #Freezing #Painful #Expensive #Emotional #Thought

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